This is the Year of Peace in the Diocese of Burlington, and June is the month in which we celebrate Father’s Day. I would like to combine these two subjects as I think they can and should be directly connected.

In my work I encounter many people who, sadly, did not have safe or peaceable dads. They grew up in fear and/or confusion. In our therapy work we often come to realize that their father had the same experience of verbal or physical violence, quick tempers, loud voices, conflict — the opposite of peace.

Our culture today also does not model how men are to become strong dads who protect and spread peace in their homes and communities. Instead, men are abused in a different way, told they are “toxic,” that they have no rights, ridiculed. Have you ever considered how many movies and advertisements make men look like fools? And on the other side, our culture has definitely bred some men who truly are toxic; selfish, frustrated, angry, and irresponsible, especially when it comes to their sexuality and fatherhood.

I have watched with great joy the Catholic movements to raise up good and holy men, to model St. Joseph’s devotion to his wife and son. His fiancée is pregnant, but not with his child; at God’s bidding he takes her in. He leaves his home and makes the perilous journey to Egypt with Mary and Jesus because God’s angel advises him to do so. He maintains a safe and peaceful home for Mary and Jesus in Nazareth, providing, protecting, persevering, patient, and present.

I sit here writing this on Mother’s Day. I ponder the gifts and strengths that men and women each bring to their homes, very different qualities, often overlapping, but often unique. I think men are especially equipped to guard their homes from physical, emotional, and spiritual danger, to be firm and authoritative, to be calm and rational, to be a servant leader, to set rules and boundaries. I think men are imbued with a huge sense of responsibility to provide for their families.

How do men become peaceable dads (papas)? First and foremost, they must see God as their most loving Abba Father, one who loves them unconditionally. They can allow His love to reveal and heal their wounds and weaknesses. They must see the dignity God has given them and the delight He has in them. They can seek out priests, mentors, friends, or therapists who will help them work on themselves, journey with them. Ask God for courage to look at how the past may be impacting their behaviors and thoughts. Are they holding onto negative, false tapes about themselves? Can they trust God to change them?

Let us thank God for good, holy dads, and for those who are trying to be better dads. And we thank Him for being the perfect Father, our Papa (“Abba”), to whom men can go for healing and example, to find peace and be at peace, and bring peace to their families.

Resources:

Cor Formation: St. John Vianney Parish, South Burlington

Men of St. Joseph: St Monica Parish, Barre

Men of St. Joseph International: mosji.org/contact.php

That Man Is You Program:
paradisusdei.org/that-man-is-you

Knights of Columbus:
kofc.org/en/index.html

Heroic Men: heroicmen.com

— Originally published in the Summer 2024 issue of  Vermont Catholic magazine.